Dear Maggie,

On Easter Sunday you were spotlighted in Primary. My favorite part of being a Primary Teacher is that I get to be in there with you and Max. I thought your spotlight was adorable so I wanted to share some of it wth you. At the beginning of the year all the kids in Primary filled out an All Abot Me form. Each week in Primary we read one for a boy and one for a girl and try to guess who it is. You said your favorite food is Macaroni and Cheese. Your favorite game is Hide and Seek. Your favorite part of Primary is Sharing Time. One thing you are good at is painting. At the end they asked who it was and people didn't know. They guessed a few wrong people and then the primary president said, "this girl is sitting on the front row. Does anyone know who it is?" You smiled so big, stood up and raised your hand. It was adorable. You were wearing your new Easter dress and a halo of flowers on your head and you were so happy that you were being spotlighted. I love you so much! I'm so happy I get to be your mom.

Love,
Mama

Family

Dear Max, Maggie, Stela and Baby Boy,

Two weeks ago your aunt Darsha called me in tears. Something bad had happened. She didn't know what to do. She was scared and sad. I talked her through as best I could and told her to call her friend who lives a few houses away to come be with her. She did. And then they called another friend. It was so hard for me to be so far away at that moment. All I wanted to do was to be with her. I almost jumped in the car, but it is a 10 hour drive and didn't seem smart. So I looked up airline tickets. And I called your aunt Gwenna. She got in the car right away and headed to our house. I called Darsha to let her know that I told Gwenna. And that we were coming first thing in the morning. I thought she might tell me not to come, that she would be okay. But she didn't. She said okay. And then she told her friends, "It's my sisters. They are coming in the morning." It took me back to another time. When your aunt Joydell called me to tell me that she had a bad reaction to the new experimental chemo medication. And a team was coming the next day to talk to her about her options. I knew before she did that it was the palliative care team and they were coming to talk to her about stopping treatment. Again, I hated to be so far away. For so long she had told us she was okay and she didn't need us to come. I told her I would make some calls and I called Darsha and Gwenna to coordinate when we could come. I told her two of us would be there in 4 days and one would come the next week. When she replied, "That long?" I got on the computer and booked tickets and Gwenna and I flew out the next day.

My beautiful kids, I think the greatest gift I have given and will ever give any of you is each other. Family is everything. Darsha and Joydell both have/had lots of friends. They weren't alone. But at times like that what you really want and need is family. I pray that you will each be blessed with friends that are like family. You need those too. And they will be a great blessing in your life. But nothing really replaces family. And I pray that if or when one of you gets into a bad situation or has tragedy strike that your first call will be to one of the others. And that the other three of you will be on the next flight out to be there. If I can raise you to be friends, best friends, and to support each other, so your first phone call is to each other, and so when you get that call you want nothing more than to drop everything and be on the next flight out, then I will have succeeded as a mom. Because I will have given you the greatest gift you could possibly have.

I called my mom from Darsha's house and she thanked me for being there with her. It felt wrong to be thanked. It was where I wanted to be. My reply to my mom was, "I love family". I do. And I pray that the four of you will too.

I love you guys!!!!! Love each other.

Love,
Mama   

First Dance Experience

Dear Maggie,

You are so brave! One of our neighbors bought a ticket to a dance camp for her granddaughter but she wasn't able to use it. So she gave it to us. I took you to buy a pair of ballet slippers. I never thought I could be a dance mom until I watched the smile on your face as the lady at the store slipped them on your feet. You were in heaven. And then I took you to the dance studio. Where you have never been. Where you knew no one. And then I left you there for three hours. It was so hard for me! In fact, I asked your daddy to go by and check on you to make sure you were doing okay. He sent me a message that you were dancing your day away. It was all I could do to pass the time until I could go back and get you. And I have to tell you that Max wasn't any better. I thought that he would love the time to get a little more attention with you gone. But instead he spent the time making things for you and asking when you would be home. With plenty of time to spare we got in the car and went back to get you. And we got there in time to watch you dancing the day away, with a big smile on your face. When it was done you ran to great me and told me about the new friend you made. I asked what her name was but you didn't know. Dear Maggie, you are a beauty! I was never as brave as you. It is a mixed emotion for a mom to have a child separate so easily. But mostly it makes me very happy for you that you can embrace new situations so easily and eagerly. Because of this you will have many great adventures and experiences. If you choose dance I will support you. If you choose something else I will support you. I just hope that whatever you do, in all of your life, you do as bravely and fully as you did your first dance experience.

I love you baby girl!!!

Love,
Mama

Dear Maggie,

Happy Mother's Day to me! It's fun to be honored on Mother's Day. But mostly I think if it as a day to be grateful that I get to be a mother. I look at your sweet little face and it takes my breath away. You are so darling and little and tender right now. And you love me. You are all about your mama right now. You are still very feisty and throw some good fits. But in the end you just want to be loved and held and snuggled. And I love to be the one to love and hold and snuggle you. I adore watching you grow and being your mama. You are such a joy to me. I just can't imagine my life without my little Maggie. I am so grateful that Heavenly Father let me be your mom. I hope I do a good job of it because you are so special and I want you to have a wonderful life full of love and peace and happiness. I hope I can play a part in helping that to happen. I am so looking forward to watching you grow and spending so many wonderful and lively days with you.

I love you Miss Maggie!!!!!

Love,
Mama

Happy Birthday!!!

Happy 3rd Birthday baby girl!!!! I could never put into words how much I love and adore you! Last night you couldn't relax to go to sleep because you were so excited for your birthday. I asked if you wanted me to tell you about the day you were born and you said yes. I told you about how I wanted to keep you in my belly longer but the doctor said you needed to come out sooner. And how Max was so little and he ate Oreos the morning we went to the hospital. And he stayed with aunt Becky while we were at the hospital. And about how you came so fast and I was so surprised. And you didn't cry at all when you came out. And you ate right away. And you had gorgeous black curly hair....that all fell out a few days later. And you were so little. Average, really, but so much smaller than Max that you seemed tiny to me.  You smiled up at me through all of it. I felt bad because I left out some parts. Like how I cried the night before because I wasn't ready for another baby. And I cried that morning on my way to the hospital. And when you were first born I didn't bond right away. But baby girl I hope you know that had nothing to do with you. It was all about me being overwhelmed. I wish I could change the story but I can't. And I won't. Because one day you might feel the same overwhelming feelings when you have a baby. And I want you to know that they are normal. And that it doesn't make you a bad mama. And that your baby will be just fine. I can't change the story. But I will tell you something that is truer than true. If I could have had a magic ball that day that would have shown me three years into the future and I could have seen how darling you would be and witnessed your spunk and felt even a fraction of the love I have for you and the joy I feel from being your mama I would have run to the hospital, smiling and skipping, and begged them to get you into my life as soon as possible. Baby girl, you are wonderful!!!! You are adored by everyone that meets you. And I am so, so, so very lucky to be your mama. I love you.

I was a little sad to see you turn three because you were just such an adorable two year old. I am morning the passing of that time. I will treasure the memories of you at that age and stage forever. I am sure you will be just as adorable as a three year old. And I am looking forward to a year filled with all the happiness and new adventures that will make me just as sad to see you turn four and leave three behind as I am to see you leave two behind.

You are the best! I love you!

Mama

Dear Maggie,

Sugar and spice. That is you. You keep me on my toes and for some reason I can't help but find even your spiciest spice enduring. You get a lot of compliments. We started going to church at our new ward and after the first week your nursery leaders commented on how happy they were to have you and how you made nursery so great. You have new leaders now and the compliments keep coming. Today when I dropped you off a lady who is not a leader but is there often commented on how wonderful you are and said that you are confident but also so kind. Then when I picked you up your new teachers gave me a thumbs up and said you were so smart and awesome. They are right. By the way, you have no problem separating from us to go to nursery. You wave and walk away with your sassy little walk and my heart swells and aches all at the same time. I'm so happy that you are mine. I adore you!!!!

Love,
Mama

Dear Maggie,

Today was your little sister's blessing day. It was a beautiful day and this day even more than I always do I have felt so fortunate to be the mother of three beautiful kids. I love you so much Maggie! I love everything about you! I love your smile and the way you talk. I love that you are so sweet and at the same time so feisty. I love that you love me. I love that you love that I love you. I love the spirit that you bring to our home and family just by being a part of it.

You have been such a good big sister. I know it hasn't been easy on you because I haven't been able to hold you and snuggle you as much and that it was you thrive on. It breaks my heart that you and I are missing out on snuggle time. But I think we are both doing a pretty good job of adjusting and we both realize that as hard as it is to share our time with a new baby she is so worth it. I am so grateful that I have been able to give you a sister. One day, when Stella was a little over a week old, you asked to hold her. I looked down at the two of you and suddenly realized something so amazing: I made sisters! I'm so grateful that you two will have each other and I hope that you will be good friends and enjoy the beauty of sisters that I have enjoyed with my own sisters. You loved Stella from the moment you saw her. When she was an hour old you came into the delivery room and climbed right up on the bed next to me and cooed at her. You uncovered her from the blanket and inspected her whole body. You patted her and talked to her in such a sweet voice. When she was in my tummy she always moved the most when you were around. I suspected a sweet connection between the two of you and it was one of the few things that made me think maybe I was having a girl and not a boy baby. I hope that you will always love her and be as great a sister to her as you are to her right now.

Speaking of being a good sister, a funny thing happened a few days ago. Meg was over with Lucy and Nora. Nora took something that belonged to Max and he started to cry. Just a few minutes earlier Max was not being so nice to you and the two of you were fed up with each other. But in that moment you looked at Max and the distress Nora was causing him, marched over to Nora, pried the toy out of her hands and marched it over to Max. I felt bad about the way this affected Nora, but I was so proud of you for being such a good sister to your brother. I loved seeing that at the core, even though you and Max irritate each other sometimes, you love him and your instinct is to protect him and help him. The two of you are best friends right now. Max saw a picture of you on my phone the other day and showed it to you and said, "Here is a picture of you Maggie. Maggie, you are my best friend." I worried about having a third baby because I didn't want to interfere with what the two of you have going right now. I hope that you will add Stella to your posse and love her as much as you love each other.

I'm so grateful you are mine Maggie! I love watching you as you move through each day and interact with the world around you. I love the spirit I feel when I am near you. I love, love, love that you are mine and that I get to stare at a caress your sweet, beautiful face each day. You make my heart happy.

Love,
Mama