My Daughter

Dear Maggie,

Sometimes I am struck by the pronouns I use with you in the house. Sometimes I realize the magnitude of what I am saying when I say "she" or "her". You are a girl. You are my daughter. It is so simple and yet it is so hard for me to really wrap my head around. You are the daughter I always wished I would have. You are the baby girl that I will watch grow up into a little girl and then a teenager and then a woman. You are the daughter I have imagined all my life. And yet even now I can't imagine what you will be because I want to leave it up to you to decide that. But I can't wait to see it! I hope you make good choices. I hope you are happy. I hope you choose to love and explore and be kind and smart. But I can't get much more specific than that. I want to say that I hope you will have children of your own someday. But I know that not everyone has that opportunity and I don't want you to feel any less important if you don't. I want to say that I hope you explore the world because I love it so much, but I know not everyone does and if you are just as happy to stay home and read books I will love to watch you do it. I want to say that I hope you go to college because I believe in education and I love school so much, but I know you might not love it like I do and I know that if you don't that is okay. I hope (and this is the truest hope I have for you) that whatever you do you will let me be a part of it. Because the thing I have always wanted to much in a daughter is just to be able to love her and watch her grow.

Love,

Mom
 

Dear Maggie,

I love picking you up from Nicole's house after work. I love seeing you and holding you after a long day of being apart. Sometimes I wonder what sense you make of who I am. I wonder if you understand that I am your mom, and the role I play in your life, since you spend so much time away from me. I wonder what you think when I come to take you home at the end of the day. I hope it is something to the effect of, "I love this lady! I don't know exactly who she is but she adores me and I love that about her!"

I love you Maggie girl!

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

I think you get cuter every day! I am so completely in love with you. I love everything about you! Here are a few things that I especially love right now:

* The way you suck on your bottom lip. It is adorable! It reminds me of your aunt Darsha.
* When you are falling asleep you make this mumbling, humming sound to sooth yourself. Adorable! You were doing it in the car tonight on our way home and your dad and I couldn't stop smiling about it. Even your little big brother sometimes can't help but to smile and giggle when he hears you do it.
* You love to move. You roll all over and turn in circles. You are a very restless sleeper. You mostly prefer your side. When I lay you down the first thing you do is turn on your side and crank your neck back. I love the predictability of it.
*You sit up now. You want to sit all the time. When you were just a couple days old you wanted to hold your head up. I told you that you were just born and you didn't need to hold your own head up yet, but you insisted on doing it anyway. I knew then you would be an on-the-move baby. (Actually, I knew when you were still inside me - you moved so much!) Now when I lay you down you want to sit up. You try so hard to do it yourself! You still need a little help getting to the sitting position but once there you can sit all by yourself. I love it. I love that it makes you happy. But seriously girl, you can slow down. You are only 5 months old. You don't have to do it all by yourself yet.
*You giggle. With out being tickled. You laugh and giggle when you see things you think are funny. You also giggle when I kiss your cheeks. And you think it is funny when I tell you "Good day!" with a nod of my head. You seriously laugh every time. I don't know why it is so funny to you but I love that it is.

Dear baby girl, you are pure sweetness. You are a sweetheart! I adore you. Lately you look cuter than ever to me. You are round and pink and healthy and usually sucking on your bottom lip or smiling and I love everything about you. Sometimes your daddy will carry you around the house and every time I look up and see you I will exclaim that you are so cute! Every time it is like I am seeing you for the first time.

Last night I was reading a book called Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields. It is her story of post-partum depression. She said she was struck by the contrast of her emotions. During her depression she contemplated taking her own life and once it was past she realized she would willingly give her life if it was for the benefit of her daughter. I thought she was being a little dramatic. But then I thought about you and I was struck by the realization that it is absolutely the truth: I would give my life it would save yours. My only regret would be that I wouldn't be able to be around to watch you and your brother live your lives. I love you both so much! Yesterday at work I talked to a dad whose 3 week old son had just been very badly hurt and it was unknown if he would survive or not. He had two older boys and talked to me about how much he loved his kids. He told me that he thought he loved his wife and his family but he realized that he never knew true love until he became a dad. It's true: the love a parent has for a child is completely different than any other kind of love. It is bigger than anything else in the world. And I love you that way.

Thank you for being my little girl! I love you so much! Every day I love you more.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

I love you so much! I feel like I can't stop kissing you. When I hold you I cannot stop my lips from moving to your head and your cheeks and your forehead and your hands and your chin and every little bit of skin that I see showing on you. I honestly feel like the love I have for you is a force that is so much bigger than myself and it manifests itself in ways like my inability to stop kissing you!

Thank you for being my daughter.

I love you!

Love,
Mom