Dear Maggie,

I love picking you up from Nicole's house after work. I love seeing you and holding you after a long day of being apart. Sometimes I wonder what sense you make of who I am. I wonder if you understand that I am your mom, and the role I play in your life, since you spend so much time away from me. I wonder what you think when I come to take you home at the end of the day. I hope it is something to the effect of, "I love this lady! I don't know exactly who she is but she adores me and I love that about her!"

I love you Maggie girl!

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

I think you get cuter every day! I am so completely in love with you. I love everything about you! Here are a few things that I especially love right now:

* The way you suck on your bottom lip. It is adorable! It reminds me of your aunt Darsha.
* When you are falling asleep you make this mumbling, humming sound to sooth yourself. Adorable! You were doing it in the car tonight on our way home and your dad and I couldn't stop smiling about it. Even your little big brother sometimes can't help but to smile and giggle when he hears you do it.
* You love to move. You roll all over and turn in circles. You are a very restless sleeper. You mostly prefer your side. When I lay you down the first thing you do is turn on your side and crank your neck back. I love the predictability of it.
*You sit up now. You want to sit all the time. When you were just a couple days old you wanted to hold your head up. I told you that you were just born and you didn't need to hold your own head up yet, but you insisted on doing it anyway. I knew then you would be an on-the-move baby. (Actually, I knew when you were still inside me - you moved so much!) Now when I lay you down you want to sit up. You try so hard to do it yourself! You still need a little help getting to the sitting position but once there you can sit all by yourself. I love it. I love that it makes you happy. But seriously girl, you can slow down. You are only 5 months old. You don't have to do it all by yourself yet.
*You giggle. With out being tickled. You laugh and giggle when you see things you think are funny. You also giggle when I kiss your cheeks. And you think it is funny when I tell you "Good day!" with a nod of my head. You seriously laugh every time. I don't know why it is so funny to you but I love that it is.

Dear baby girl, you are pure sweetness. You are a sweetheart! I adore you. Lately you look cuter than ever to me. You are round and pink and healthy and usually sucking on your bottom lip or smiling and I love everything about you. Sometimes your daddy will carry you around the house and every time I look up and see you I will exclaim that you are so cute! Every time it is like I am seeing you for the first time.

Last night I was reading a book called Down Came the Rain by Brooke Shields. It is her story of post-partum depression. She said she was struck by the contrast of her emotions. During her depression she contemplated taking her own life and once it was past she realized she would willingly give her life if it was for the benefit of her daughter. I thought she was being a little dramatic. But then I thought about you and I was struck by the realization that it is absolutely the truth: I would give my life it would save yours. My only regret would be that I wouldn't be able to be around to watch you and your brother live your lives. I love you both so much! Yesterday at work I talked to a dad whose 3 week old son had just been very badly hurt and it was unknown if he would survive or not. He had two older boys and talked to me about how much he loved his kids. He told me that he thought he loved his wife and his family but he realized that he never knew true love until he became a dad. It's true: the love a parent has for a child is completely different than any other kind of love. It is bigger than anything else in the world. And I love you that way.

Thank you for being my little girl! I love you so much! Every day I love you more.

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

I love you so much! I feel like I can't stop kissing you. When I hold you I cannot stop my lips from moving to your head and your cheeks and your forehead and your hands and your chin and every little bit of skin that I see showing on you. I honestly feel like the love I have for you is a force that is so much bigger than myself and it manifests itself in ways like my inability to stop kissing you!

Thank you for being my daughter.

I love you!

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

The other day I was putting clothes away in your closet and I caught a glimpse of a little pink dress of yours and it struck me that I have a baby girl. And I am so happy to have a baby girl. And I am so happy that the baby girl I have is you.

Love,
Mom

Smiles and Giggles

Dear Maggie,

You are really coming to life! Sometimes I still think you are a newborn, but then when I take a good look at you I realize you are growing up! You are now playing with toys that I hang from the crib gym. You grab on to them and move them. And you kick and get so excited. I love it! You are such a happy baby. You giggle. Real giggles. It is adorable! And when you smile your whole face lights up. When I was pregnant with you I had the feeling that you were going to be a spunky girl. I guess only time will tell, but I see a little bit of what may be spunk in your giggles. Also, you are a talker! You babble and coo and I love every word of it. I can't wait until you put actual words to your "talking". If you talk as much when you are older as you do now I think I will always know what you are thinking and how you are doing and I really like that idea. I think I will always love to hear what you have to say.

I had a really good weekend with you. I am working again so I don't get to see you so much. And even when I am with you your brother is usually around too and at 19 months he is pretty demanding of attention. But this weekend, with your dad home too, and your brother sleeping well for naps and at nights, I got to spend some really good time with you. And in that time I fell even more in love with you. You are such an easy girl to love!

Today I was set apart for a church calling (Visiting Teaching Supervisor). My friend Krista held you while I was set apart. I looked over at you in her arms and almost forgetting you were mine I thought, "What a cute baby!" And you really, really are. In the blessing they talked a lot about my family being blessed if I served faithfully in my calling. In the end they said that God would grant my heart's desire. Right now my hearts desire is to stay home with you and your brother. I was also blessed that my children, watching me fulfill my calling, would have a strengthened testimony of their own. I think you are a little too young now, but I hope that you will have a strong testimony of the gospel and that I can be a good example to you.

Today we also blessed you again and gave you the name Magdalena. I think your daddy and I were both sad to see Abigail go, but we feel good about Maggie too. And I really loved the feeling in the room. It was just our little family and the bishop and it I felt so peaceful and happy with my little family and the Spirit in the room. And you looked adorable in your pale pink dress (you really are so pretty in pink!). And you were calm and happy this time, which made me feel calm and happy.

Thank you for coming to our family. I am so happy that I get to be your mommy!

I love you baby girl!

Love,
Mom

Dear Maggie,

Yesterday I had a really bad day at work. I came home angry and sad. And exhausted. I was full of emotions and couldn't settle. You were sleeping soundly in your crib but I missed you and I wanted to be close to you. So I gently lifted you from your bed and laid you on mine. Then I laid down next to you and watched you sleep. It was like magic. Watching you made me feel calm. And even a little bit happy at the end of a rotten day.

I love having you in my life.

Love,
Mom

Blessing (April 8)

Easter
My Abigail
My testimony: middle name Joy - mom taught me more about being a mom than school and work - my mom has many Christ like qualities, including the way she loves children
grateful for support of family and friends
gratitude to Christ for atonement that allows us to be happy, makes life worth it