Mother's Day

Dear Max and Maggie,

I used to call my mom to wish her a happy mother's day and she would go on and on about how grateful she was for me and my siblings rather than letting me tell her how grateful I was for her. I never understood it. But I do now. I love being a mom! And I love that I get to be your mom! I think you two are the best things in the whole world! I feel silly having a day to honor me as a mom because I feel like it is my privilege to be a mom, not something I should be thanked or appreciated for.  I feel so honored that I get to have you. I love you both so much! Thanks today and everyday for being my kids and making motherhood such a wonderful thing for me!

I love you!!!

Mom

Max protecting Maggie against Dan. Max is generally a good brother to Maggie but lately he has been feeling smothered by all her loving. She follows him everywhere. He doesn't want to share. True sibling defending her. "She's my brother."

Dear Maggie,

Today I took you to see doctor Fox because you have been sick for two months straight. Stuffy nose. Lots of boogers. He started you on a new antibiotic. Hopefully you will be able to breath easy soon. You only weighed 19 pounds, which is actually less than you weighed at your one year. You have been eating like crazy, and you play just fine so I haven't been worried. But now that I see the numbers I am worried a little. I want you to be healthy and happy and well. Your brother stayed with Nicole while I took you to the doctor and I loved having some one-on-one time with you. We don't get that very much, and I feel sad about it. You wanted to stay right close to me, which makes my heart feel all warm and happy. So many things you do have that effect on me. Here are just a few:

When you squat down to play with toys, or just to take a break from walking around. It's adorable!

When I go into a different room and you come and find me. It makes me feel so good that you want to be with me. And I can just imagine you in the other room before you come to me, wondering where I am and going in search of me. When I leave the room I can anticipate that you won't be far behind.

When you rest your head in my hand. Especially when you put my hand on your cheek so you can do it.

Your giggle. You are starting to think that so many things are funny.

The way you nod your head when I ask you a question. You pause before doing it, thinking it over before you answer. You seem so sure of yourself, but your answers aren't always accurate. Like when I asked if you were a German Shephard and you nodded. But oh I love it!

The way you come toddling in when you hear the bath water filling up the tub.

How you talk to your brother in the morning before I come in to get you.

When you snuggle in, with your whole body.

The way you light up when you see Joydell's cat, or Nicole's cat, and you say "Kitty!"

The way you say "truck" in a high-pitched voice.

The way you light up when you see a baby doll. And how you feed it and hold it and pat it's back. And the way that I can get you to take your medicine if I first give medicine to the doll.

Oh baby girl, you are a sweetheart! And I love that you are mine!!!!

Love,
Mama

Milestones

Dear Maggie,

I was sorting through some things today and I came across a calendar that is designed so that a mom can keep track of all her baby's milestones. I put some stickers on it to mark your big moments. I decided that it is not worth keeping, but I want to remember the milestones. So I am writing them here:

January 27: Baby is here!
January 28: 1st day home
January 29: Holds head up
March 7: 1st smile
April 8: Baby Blessing
May 25: Rolls over
August 28: Crawls
January 18: Walks
February 2: 1st Haircut

Dear Maggie,

I love everything about you! Here are two things that I love most:

You love to take baths. The other night I asked if anyone wanted to take a bath. I was saying it more for your brother because I didn't think you understood so much yet. But as soon as I said it you toddled yourself into the bathroom and up to the bath tub. I was getting you undressed and you were so excited. Then I noticed that you were pooey. Daddy took you out to the living room to clean you up and you screamed and kicked and cried for all you were worth - until he brought you back to the tub. Tonight I was trying to decide if I should put you straight to bed because you were so tired or give you a bath because you had used the juice from your apples this morning to spike your hair. I whispered in your ear, "Do you want to take a bath?" You looked at me, slid off my lap and toddled to the tub. As soon as I got you in your tiredness seemed to disappear and played and giggled and talked lots and very loudly. I knew you were still so tired but you were so happy in the tub.

The other thing I love so much right now is when you are tired you take my hand and put it to your cheek and rest your head in it. It is the sweetest thing!

I love you baby girl! When I look at you I can't not smile. And when I hold you I feel as if my heart will melt to liquid and dissolve.

I'm so glad I'm your mama!

Love,
Mom

1 Year Appointment

Dear Miss Maggie,

Today I took you to see Dr Fox for your one year appointment. With a black eye. Last Friday you tripped, or Max pushed you (I'm really not sure because I didn't see it happen but he was sitting in your chair and you wanted it so I can't rule his involvement out) and you hit your cheek on the train stacking toy. When I got to you a bruise had already formed and you were crying hysterically. It broke my heart. It makes me want to cry thinking about it now. You are such a happy girl and when you get hurt it feels like you are confused by it. Even with your black eye you are perfectly happy. Dr Fox asked all the appropriate questions about how you got your black eye and then went on with your exam. Everything looks good. He measured you twice just to be sure- you are a little thing. You are 27.5 inches tall which puts you in the 8th percentile. And you are not so heavy either. You weigh 19.2 pounds, which puts you in the 17th percentile. He recommended we do away with the bottle. I think you will be okay with that. You haven't been really into it lately. You are loving the sippy cup. And even at bedtime you are now able to fall asleep in your bed by yourself. Yay Maggie! It seems like the day you turned one you decided that you were too grown-up for all that baby stuff and something switched. I'm proud of you, but don't grow up to fast baby girl. You have also attached to a blanket. It just happened one day. Last week. It is a plain white one with a duck in the corner and a yellow binding. You drag it around the house and cling to it at night. It really is so sweet. Dr Fox asked if I had any concerns about your health or development, which I don't. And then it was time for the immunizations. You got seven shots! My sweet girl. I know it doesn't make any sense to you and it broke my heart in pieces to see your sweet face wince and cry when the needles went in your prefect, soft, chubby little thighs. No more immunizations for 6 months! And after that I put you in your car seat and brought you home. And that it my favorite part. I love that I get to bring you home with me. I love having you around.

Love,

Mama

PS I keep meaning to tell you some things I love about you right now. So here goes:
I love how you shake your head and say "unt-uh". I love watching you walk. I love how you play with your brother and how you want to be near him always. I love watching you when you play independently for brief moments. I love that you always want to me near me (I have started calling you barnacle because it is like you are stuck right to me most of the time). I love how you snuggle in when I pick you up. I love your  sense of adventure and how you get excited when I put the couch cushions on the floor because you want to climb on them. I love your cheesy smile that you have been flashing lately. I love when you laugh. I love when you tease your brother - it makes me nervous for the future when you will actually be able to use words and plan out your teasing more. I love brushing your little hair off your little forehead. Oh baby, I love everything about you. But mostly I love that you are mine!

One Year Old!

Dear Maggie,

Happy birthday baby girl! I can't believe you are one year old. I can no longer say, as I am fond of saying, that this time one year ago you were inside my belly.  As much as I like to say that I find a comfort for some reason in knowing that from now on to forever one year ago you were in my arms and in my life. I love you so much Maggie! You are snuggly and smiley and spunky and sweat. I love you and you love me. Tonight as I rocked you to sleep I told you thank you for trusting me to be your mommy. I don't know how it works in the pre-mortal life and if you really had a say in who would be your mommy or not, but I am glad that I got you. And even if you didn't have a say in the pre-mortal life I am grateful for the last year that you trusted me to be your mommy. I was really overwhelmed to be having another baby since your brother was still a baby when you were born. There were times when I doubted my decision to have you so soon and I felt guilty because I didn't feel like I was giving you the love and time and attention you deserved. And in these moments I would look at you and you never looked distressed or upset or like you didn't feel you were getting what you deserved. You always looked at me in a way that made me feel like you knew I would take care of you and that you felt like you belonged with us and I got so much comfort from that. And you were right baby girl. You do belong with us and I do love you and I want nothing more than to take such good care of you. Thank you for sticking with me. I am so very grateful that you are mine. And I am so grateful that I have forever and always to love you.

We celebrated your birthday all weekend. Yesterday we invited friends over and had fruit and cake and ice cream. Lisel and Annie and Meg and Blonde Rachel and Janet came with their kids. Everyone oohed and awed over you and your sweetness. They were especially enamored by your walking. You do look so very cute when you walk. You did just what you were supposed to with your cupcake and you ended up with chocolate frosting all over your face and down the back of your neck. Today we spent the morning at home and it was nice. Then you and I went to church while Max napped and daddy stayed with him. (You napped for a bit too. But then we laid Max down and after about ten minutes of quiet we heard you making some noises. When we went to check Max was jumping in his bed and you were standing in yours looking at him and smiling and talking. It is impossible to get the two of you to nap in the same room at the same time.) I loved spending time with you at church. At 2:29, the time you were born one year ago, I took you in to the hall and sang to you and took pictures of you and of you and me. Happy Birth-minute sweet girl! Nathan and Becky and all their boys came for dinner along with aunt Joydell. Aunt Militza was going to come with her family but she had to work. And Uncle Travis was on his way with his family but it was a snow storm and they had to turn around and go home. They were really sad. You know a year ago when you were born it was a freakishly warm January. We left the hospital with you wearing t-shirts. Today was what I imagined your birthday would be like a year ago - lots of snow! I made you a giant cupcake and I iced it in purple frosting with sprinkles. You looked really cute next to it. And you looked at it a lot but you weren't interested in eating it tonight. I think partly because so many people were looking at you and you felt nervous and partly because your brother interrupted your nap and you were getting really tired. Your brother was happy when you didn't eat it because then he got to. I was proud of him for at least giving you a chance at it first. After everyone left you played for a little bit. You rode on your wooden horse in the hall (I pushed you) and you climbed on and off of your brothers chair (we ordered you one for your Birthday but it hasn't made it here yet) and then it was time for you to go to sleep. You were so tired you fell asleep right away. But I held you and rocked you for a long time anyway. That was my present to myself on your Birthday. My mind floated up the hill to the hospital room where you and I stayed a year ago after you were born. You were so little and warm and new then and I didn't really know you yet. Now you are still little and warm but you are also soft and round and full of life and we have had a year of memories and you have wormed your way so deeply into my heart that I have tears in my eyes thinking about how much I love you and the year we have had together and the thoughts of the future with you.

Happy Birthday my sweet baby girl. You are my dream come true.

Love,

Mama